Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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