My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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