Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize