moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
