Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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