I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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