and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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