Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i out mim tonsoeep
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