Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
