i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
