Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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