I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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