I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
