there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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