i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
