Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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