he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
