Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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