peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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