it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
