dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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