Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
