I have demons in me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
