a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
