brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
