Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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