Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
