I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
