The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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