we have pet lesbian snakes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there was a trapeze. enough said
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
