My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
