well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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