ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
