I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
