Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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