went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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