Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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