Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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