Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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