I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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