How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
