He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
