How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
being pregnant is like rehab
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize