cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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