Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
