I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
