I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
