my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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