just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize