the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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