remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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