I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
