whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
