Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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