If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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