Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.