end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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