That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
