I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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