We won't sleep together?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's always time for handjobs
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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