I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Damn victory sex feels great
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
