my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She even gives head with a lisp.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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