alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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