tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
